Husband Tips For An Enduring & Blissful Marriage

By the grace of God we mark the twentieth anniversary of our marriage later this month.  The memory of the day we said ‘I do’ on the sunny summer afternoon in North London, UK remains fresh in our minds. We do not take lightly the milestone we have attained considering that the statistics for marriage survival in the UK are not very pretty. According to statistics published in 2012, 42% of marriages in England & Wales end in divorce and 34% of marriages are expected to end in divorce by the 20th wedding anniversary.

Sadly, being in a Christian marriage does not guarantee that ones marriage will stay the course and not end up in divorce. Looking back over the years at our marriage we have been blessed beyond measure in so many areas, but there have also been instances where difficult situations could have gone from bad to worse giving that feeling of despondency which have led many to feel they had no option but to call time on their marriage. We can boldly proclaim that it is the grace of God that has seen us through to this point and we rely on His grace to help us in the days, weeks, months and years ahead.

Of the many lessons we have learnt over the years we believe that unwavering commitment to the union is what will keep you together when you might have several reasons why splitting might seem an attractive option. It is clear that remaining married just to avoid the problems that come with divorce, while a useful leverage point in one’s mind to help maintain your resolve, is not the ultimate goal of your relationship.

Husbands have a pivotal role in keeping their homes intact and happy. While that seems a startlingly obvious truth, that role when neglected can lead to a weakening of the fabric of the relationship, which can frequently result in problems which over time may appear insurmountable.

The truth is that husband and wife work best together to strengthen their marriage and make their home a fortress. There are several factors which can help create a wonderful relationship between husband and wife.

We have used our own experiences to identify 20 tips, one for each year of our marriage 🙂 , which will help husbands to become and remain  effective spouses keen to see their marriages not only survive but thrive.

  1. Love your wife unconditionally.
  2. Always pray for your wife
  3. Be full of praise and adoration for who she is
  4. Always celebrate her achievements and express gratitude for what she does
  5. Make an effort to appreciate her point of view before giving a response on any matter
  6. Be patient in all your dealings with your wife
  7. Strive for peace and the rapid resolution of any conflict. Be quick and earnest in apology
  8. Commit to spending quality time with your wife
  9. Pay attention to the things that affect your wife.
  10. Be open and truthful in all your dealings with your wife
  11. Practice gentleness at all times – being ‘brutally honest’ is not always a sensible approach
  12. It is more important to get in a kind, loving word than the ‘last word’ in any exchange
  13. Do not take to heart anything said by your wife in frustration or in the heat of the moment
  14. Talk your wife in a manner in which she feels respected and not demeaned
  15. Have your wife’s well being at the top of your priority list. Commit continually to meeting her needs
  16. Desire intimacy and do your utmost to create an atmosphere for spiritual and physical closeness
  17. Let your wife know that she is more important than other important things in your life
  18. Do not emphasise or magnify your wife’s shortcomings or any errors but prayerfully commit to being there for her.
  19. Commit daily to being the spiritual head of your home and be an example to your wife in all things – faith, character, speech and attitude
  20. Be available for your wife in all things and be sure to let her see your commitment to her, your children and your home

With this non-exhaustive list of tips part of your code of conduct you will be well on your way to being the husband that your wife needs and desires.

The Spirit of the Lord in the life  of a man will allow every committed husband to become the best companion, partner, lover, friend, confidante, support, helper, breadwinner and all round hero to his wife which will help create marital bliss.

We hope to expand on these attitudes and share additional insights via subsequent posts for the benefit of both husband and wife as we seek to encourage you to have the best marriage possible.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

New Year – New Focus

A new year gives us the opportunity to focus on where we are located our individual life journeys. Where are we coming from ? Where are we going? How does what is happening now in our lives fit into the bigger plan that God might have?

Many of us would have experienced disappointments in the past year, where we had not achieved our desired goals or had to deal with situations which were unpleasant. A frequent source of internal conflict is when we are let down by people who we love, trust and respect

As Christians we are enjoined to be thankful in every situation.

In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you (1 Thessalonians 5:18 )

Even if things have not gone the way would have liked in the past year, it is important to approach each day with an attitude of ‘Its a new year, Praise God I am alive!’

New years resolutions are traditions which are commonly embraced in different cultures and religions as time to commit to doing something or making a positive change in ones behaviour or habits.

The bible provides us with a basis to approach the new challenges from a standpoint of faith.

We should never doubt that it is God’s well for us to do well.

Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth (3 John 2)

Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert (Isaiah 43:19)

Our prosperity is tied to our spiritual well being and that should come first. Can a new thing happen in your life this year?

What should our approach be for doing better this year?

Review your past performance. Reflect on what has worked and what could have been done better.

The bible teaches that ‘the vision’ should be clear and unambiguous (Habakkuk 2:2)
Establish impediments to achieving your goals. Are there skills and training needs?. Have you not spent enough time perfecting your craft. Is there need for a change in attitude?
Seest thou a man diligent in his business? he shall stand before kings; he shall not stand before mean men. Proverbs 22:29

Being teachable. Have the attitude of gaining greater insight and knowledge at every opportunity.

Give instruction to a wise man, and he will be still wiser; teach a righteous man, and he will increase in learning (Proverbs 9:9)

Be willing to acknowledge your past mistakes and take correction
Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates reproof is stupid (Proverbs 12:1)

Ensure we are focusing on the right things. The key question is ‘what is our motivation?’

How far would we like to go with the project ? Why are we pursuing the goal in the first place? Is there benefit for ourselves and for others? Do we want to get the extra income in order to make a specific purchase for our loved ones, buy a new car, take a holiday etc.
Identify reasonable goals – In the world of business management – the model of having SMART objectives (S – Specific, M – Measurable, A – Attainable, R – Relevant , T – Time related), is one that has valuable application in the area of personal development.

Our goals should be specific and time related. This gives us focus. For example, saying: I would like to read three books before the end of the year is more tangible than saying I would like to commit to reading more.
Measurable goals are more likely to be attained than in situations where the goals have no fixed point. It is important to be able to assess for ourselves how much progress we are making.

Having a goal that is attainable is important. The bible makes it clear that faith makes all things possible, but it is necessary to have faith for the task before you, believing that you in the right place, and the right time with the right intent of the heart. In teaching about the cost of discipleship, Jesus emphasised the need for taking stock of what we have before us in helping us move forward. Luke 14:28 – For which of you, intending to build a tower stitch not down first and counteth the cost, whether he has sufficient to finish it.

One of the most powerful principles that Jesus taught was that our motivation should be right. We do well when the basis of our life is charity towards others.

“Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’  For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these thing. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you (Matthew 6:31-33)

We therefore are taught to put the pursuit of kingdom of God above the pursuit of worldly possessions for their own sake. We need to ensure that we have as the basis of our lives the foundation that our lives are meant to be a channel of Gods blessing.

Paul explained the basis of this in his letter to the Romans . In Romans 14: 17-18 we understand that the kingdom of God is Righteousness , and peace and joy in the Holy Ghost, As we seek after peace and the building up of others we are doing the kingdom business and glorifying Him.

This implies that it is at odds with the purposes of the kingdom when we act in a selfish unjust manner seeking to maximise personal gain at the expense of other peoples well being. Galatians 5:21 reminds us that the key to prosperity is remaining in the Spirit which equates to being in step with God.

In 2016, our aim should be one of living a Spirit Led Life .

Galatians 5:16 – 23 But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.

Being a Mum and an Advocate! Purity

We live in an age where many of us are working mothers. Our challenge is to juggle our family responsibilities with our highly demanding jobs at office.

In the UK the Office for National Statistics reveal that over the past 40 years there has been a rise in the percentage of women aged 16 to 64 in employment and a fall in the percentage of men. In April to June 2013 around 67% of women aged 16 to 64 were in work, an increase from 53% in 1971. For men the percentage fell to 76% in 2013 from 92% in 1971. There are, of course, a number of reasons for this shift towards childbearing later in life – the most obvious being economic constraints and the number of women in employment and establishing careers for themselves. The increasing number of women participating in higher education has also been a factor.

I love hosting friends in my home and we do a lot of it. It is amazing after a three course meal or sometimes four we move into discussions about our children and how they are faring. I enjoy these discussions because we find that our sharing of our stress and frustration at not being able to spend enough time with our children is somewhat similar. I also find out that many mothers end up going to bed very late due to the fact that we are trying to juggle so many balls, ensuring none falls. However a very wise man once said to me “sometimes Linda you may have to allow some balls to drop”.

There is an intensification of parenting. So what if there is?! Is this such a bad thing? Perhaps there’s a slightly obsessive dynamic at work that makes mothers, live their life for their child. However sometimes we can be physically at home, but mentally, our minds are miles away, thinking about some problem we are having at the office. Children have an uncanny ability to sense whether we are really paying attention or not.

Both parents have great roles in bringing up their children however being a mother is an amazing gift. The bible is quite clear in Proverbs 6:20. It says, “My son, keep your father’s commandment, and forsake not your mother’s teaching.” In chapter 31 it goes even further and reads, “She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.”

Good mothers are great teachers who are diligent and thorough in their preparation. We must understand the value of teaching standards, values, and doctrine while we have young teenagers or young adults. My focus is the unabridged version of values, moral and ethical standards, and faith.

Perhaps some mothers have been unable to broach some of these topics. I will encourage you to read my column regularly, use it as a point of discussion with your young ones, use it as a teaching tool, allow your child to read it and during those dinners or outings with friends discuss the issue!

Purity. I prefer the term ‘purity’ to abstinence. Using the word purity, sounds like we’re holding onto something rare and wonderful. We need to discuss the Christian perspective on pre-marital sex, and our young adults need to hear it clearly: “Sex before marriage is not OK” And we need to tell them why. It has been stated that scriptures on sexual purity are outdated and archaic. This is not true. Second, having sex is no guarantee that the deep emotional intimacy that everyone longs for will develop.

I am going to ‘preach’ for few seconds so please indulge me. Look at what God says about sexual purity. “You should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honourable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God. . . . For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life” (1 Thessalonians 4:3–5, 7). This passage outlines God’s reasons for calling for sexual purity in the lives of His children.

Purity (Abstinence) is the only 100 percent effective method for avoiding unintended pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections, including HIV. Teens—especially young teens—should be encouraged to delay sexual initiation. We should acknowledge the importance of purity and provide our youth with the knowledge, attitudes, and skills necessary to make it work. However, even youth who pledge to remain abstinent need information about contraception and condoms to help them prevent unintended pregnancy, HIV and other STIs when they do become sexually active.

We cannot hope, fast and pray that this topic never comes up. We must not shut down our children when they come asking. Young adults please ask openly and honestly.

The truth is, when we teach our young adults about sex the way God designed it, the way He outlines it in the Bible, we should them that it is a good, beautiful, pleasurable thing designed by God because of His great love for us. It brings husband and wife closer together and builds trust in the marriage. It is a way to yield unselfishly to each other, to put each other first, and to be refreshed.

Let us open that line of communication and ensure it is relevant to their own world not ours! I am looking forward to my next discussion.

Power & Beauty is the blog of Ike & Linda Nnene.

They are a UK based Christian couple who strongly believe in family and are advocates for marriage as espoused in the Word of God. They believe that with better understanding of how to build your marriage, every couple can have the confidence to enjoy blissful fulfilled relationships.

They are gospel music ministers who understand that having a lifestyle of praise is instrumental to having a life of victory. They bring a wealth of experience from the professions in education (Linda) and medical practice (Ike) and will use this medium to share God’s love with words of wisdom and encouragement.

 

Overcoming In Christ

The faith of the 21 Coptic Christians in Libya whose callous murder by Islamic fundamentalists was broadcast across the world is one of the standout testimonies of faith in the past few months. The depiction of the savagery meted out was sent to far corners of the earth via a well orchestrated media campaign. People all over the world have seen these images of the most cruel acts committed in the name of religion.

These Christians were singled out because of their faith in God and identification with the message of the resurrected Christ. Their plight bears strong similitude to what has been taking place across several other parts of the Middle East,  and in parts of northern Nigeria and Kenya.

Jesus told his followers that carrying the mark of Christ frequently would make them the subject of persecution, where people would feel justified to mete out acts of wickedness in the name of some religious zealotry.

Most of will never experience the degree of religious persecution that some Christians have almost come to accept as a way of life.

We do as believers have to remember the words of Jesus.

If the world hate you, ye know that it hated me before it hated you. If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you. Remember the word that I said unto you, The servant is not greater than his lord. If they have persecuted me, they will also persecute you; if they have kept my saying, they will keep yours also. But all these things will they do unto you for my name’s sake, because they know not him that sent me. (John 15:1821- KJV).

The truth for a lot of Christians is that they will face regular persecution at the hands of different people. This will vary in frequency and severity. The young person who is trying to serve the Lord and remain sexually pure receives ridicule and pressure to conform to’societal norms of a pervasive attitude. The influences to attain material success frequently pushes people of faith into situations where by their actions they are denying their faith.

Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour: Whom resist stedfast in the faith, knowing that the same afflictions are accomplished in your brethren that are in the world. (1 Peter 5:8-9 KJV)

It helps to know that believers have received the victory in Christ Jesus and any witness contrary to this is a lie.

Even when we are faced with a life and death situation we can have the confidence to know that our future is secure.

For whatsoever is born of God overcometh the world: and this is the victory that overcometh the world, even our faith. Who is he that overcometh the world, but he that believeth that Jesus is the Son of God? (1 John 5:4-5KJV)

Whatever we face we should remember that our future is secure in Christ. We should always remember to thank God for the victory.

But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.        (1 Corinthians 15:57 KJV)

We should ensure that we endeavour to ‘fight the good fight of faith’ and dwell in victory. We should pray for Christians everywhere to be able to remain steadfast in the midst of serious threats to their wellbeing . May they fully grasp the eternal promise from on high. Death is a defeated foe.

So when this corruptible shall have put on incorruption, and this mortal shall have put on immortality, then shall be brought to pass the saying that is written, Death is swallowed up in victory. O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory? (1 Corinthians 15:54-55KJV)

Happy New Year … Make it a blissful one

Happy New Year!

We hope your 2015 is full of joy and goodness in your marriages & families.

We have put together some ‘resolutions’ which we think will help every couple in getting to that blissful place in their marriage.

New Year Resolutions for husbands

1. Love your wife! She is the most precious person on this planet. Commit to increasing tangible demonstrations of love – say ‘I love you’ frequently with acts of kindness and affection.

2. Desire to understand more about the stresses that your wife goes through and be there for her when the days seem long & hard

3. Declare your appreciation for all the things your wife does

4. Genuinely give your heart to her and support her in her own challenges and aspirations

5. Give more physical contact – hugs and kisses – several times a day, to show you desire her – spirit, soul & body

New Year resolutions for wives

1. Commit to believing in your husband and affirm him at every opportunity

2. Show understanding when he does not attain the standards or results that he should

3. Have genuine respect for your man! Esteem him in your heart & mind above any other man

4. Be honest with your husband about how he can improve and gently encourage him on that journey

5. Desire to pleasure him and be pleasured by him

New Years Resolutions for couples

1. Pray for each other separately and together. The prayer should be faith filled declarations of ‘the best’ for your spouse and your marriage

2. Deal with any difficulties with love and patience. Let anger be short lasting and forgiveness and grace be the standard.

3. Desire to improve your communication – speak clearly, speak truthfully and speak to build up and not destroy

4. Give each to the other wholeheartedly in the area of sexual intimacy. Your spouse should always be that safe place of loving release and refreshing.

5. Share goals together. Share your vision and seek to attain together.  Set out time every week to just appreciate where you are as a couple and trust God for more grace and power.

Have an exciting, wonderful, joy-filled, and successful year!

Ike & Linda

After Christmas before New Year

Christmas 2014 has come and gone. The memory of the delicious Christmas lunch with all the trimmings grows more distant. The leftover  Christmas turkey has ended up in a variety of utility meals or sandwiches. Nice times spent with family and friends, the highs (and lows) of the celebration, the good feelings surrounding receiving and giving gifts as well as possibly disappointments of missed opportunities to rebuild strained relationships remain etched in the memory.

Did you enjoy the Christmas & Boxing Day?  What did it all mean? How much time was spent reflecting on the reason for the season and acknowledging the gift of the begotten Son Jesus who would ultimately give His life to reconcile us back to God.

The trees and the garlands have served their purpose and many are in the process of being taken down. What can be recycled for the next years celebration? What has concluded its use and requires discarding for good. Are there any things we need to be discarding for good?

Now comes the time to look at the forthcoming year.

The New Year represents an opportunity to assess what you have achieved, the challenges, the successes of the past, where you at now and the plans for the New Year.

The concept of New Year Resolutions is not a new one. In Ancient Babylon, the people made promises to their Gods to pay their debts. The Ancient Romans made vows to Janus from which the month of January has its origin. New Year resolutions are indeed a part of modern culture with people of various backgrounds displaying various levels of dedication to seeing their personal goals come to fruition in the year in question.

We are encouraged in the Word to seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all other things will be added (Matthew 6:33).

The goals of any individual to get fitter, stop smoking, give up alcohol, lose weight, become more responsible, become more charitable, start or make progress in a project or give more time to others should be encouraged. We can all play a part in supporting the folk in our lives to achieve their personal goals.

In Ecclesiastes 12:13 it says ‘Fear God, and keep His commandments; for this is the whole duty of man.’ This is as true now as it has ever been. The New Year can give us a starting point to say … New year, new commitment, new zeal , new resolve and new desire to follow God in seeking His will.

Husbands and wives would do well to reflect on how they can be better spouses than they have been in the past year and commit to making the changes.

Specifically for husbands, a commitment to being the Spiritual leader of the home, taking charge of affairs and providing leadership in other key areas of family life while making effort to display true love to his wife. Men need to have a strong conviction and corresponding confession that she is God’s gift and will do them good all the days of your life. Men need to make a greater effort to understand all her challenges and limitations and always lift her up in intercession while showing generosity in all things especially attention, gentle words and acts of appreciation.

Wives would do well to committing to having a genuine admiration, respect and appreciation for their husband and his efforts while remaining committed to being a channel of blessings into the home. Wives need to understand that they have the power to determine to prevailing atmosphere in the home and commit to enhancing the well being of their husband by positive affirmation and being yielded.

If the couple can together agree to working together by ensuring that love, honesty, trust, enduring commitment , patience and forgiveness become the defining terms of their marriage they can be confident that they can weather any storm and come out of any difficulty stronger and more victorious than ever before.

We hope that 2015 will be a year for great testimony as to the goodness of marriage and you will see the Lord’s best manifest in your individual situations.

Thank God for Jesus

Christmas is a unique time of the year acknowledged by the whole world as a special season. Over centuries Christmas has evolved from an inauspicious event in humble surroundings in Bethlehem to a annual world wide celebration universally acknowledged by people of all faiths as the major religious celebration.

The origins of the celebration of Christmas as well as a lot of the traditions which have now become to be associated with Christmas frequently seem to be removed from the real message of Christmas.

The real message of Christmas is one of love and giving. God sent Jesus to be a sacrifice to redeem mankind back to himself following man’s rebellion and separation from God through sin.

… Hark the herald angels, Glory to  the Newborn King, Peace on earth and mercy mild, God and sinners reconciled.

God loves us. He is always reaching out and seeking to forgive us when we pull away.

For God so loved the world that he gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. (John 3:16)

That message of grace and giving, of atonement and the drawing us back to the Father is one that needs to be proclaimed to the whole world.