Marriage On Song – Podcast 2 – Creating a Vision for Your Marriage

In this episode 2 of the Marriage On Song Podcast we consider what it means to have a vision for your marriage. We discuss how having a vision will allow husband and wife to see where they are headed and perform the required actions to get them to this place.

 

Marriage On Song – Podcast 1

We are delighted to be able to bring you our new podcast – Marriage On Song. This is the place we discuss everything marriage and share insights that will help us all have marriages that truly thrive.

 

Passion in Your Marriage

Passion in Your Marriage – Keep the Spark in Your Marriage
Passion, spark or whatever you want to call that sense of intense desire that couples experience usually in the early stages of their relationship is much more than just sexual. Many authors have written on the subject of limerence as something that frequently exists in the early stages of a relationship but tends to diminish or at times disappears altogether in couples that have been together for a while. Couples who are in the peak of their love will have an outward display of their feelings by frequently seeking to connect with their spouse with a resultant passionate satisfying sexual experience. There exists an urgent and ongoing need to think of the person, spend time with them and make an effort to please them. Perhaps we need to look into our personal, individual experiences to understand passion within our marriages and what becomes of it. There are the issues of life that inevitably arise that have the potential to derail romantic love. Career, finances, children, are guaranteed to present challenging situations that over time take our energy and focus such that we find ourselves falling short of the heights of passion which prevailed early in our relationship.

How do we process what we going through with our spouse? How can we keep the fires of passion alive?

Turn towards your spouse. I am learning to turn towards my husband rather than turning against. This is love in action. When we work together it leads to happiness and closeness.

Practice devotion together. As a couple we are blessed that we have common interests. A big one is singing together. We have always sung together. However, devotion/worship goes beyond this. It includes bible studies together and praying together. We discover that as we practice these consistently and place God in the centre of our relationship it is bound to flourish. If we have peace and love flowing through us we are more likely to be appreciative of our spouse rather than critical. With these feelings of positivity in us we are more likely to be loving and giving more. That is what knowing God and living in Him is about. With this passion increases.

If you are not doing this, this is something to consider. I, Linda, am still learning.

Positive affirmation. My husband always reminds me that when I get upset with him I need to resist from speaking negative words no matter how small but think of those positive qualities he has and express them daily. In a nutshell, express positive feelings and compliments. Choose to love even in the hard days which are near enough guaranteed to occur. We all need to remember that no one is perfect. We can use this as a basis to intercede for our spouse just as we recognise the need for grace to deal with our own imperfections.

Matthew 19:6 states that we are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together let no man separate. When there is a disagreement we must decide to foster goodwill because every marriage will have disagreements. Let us strive to understand our spouse’s perspective.

One thing that is a complete turn off and passion killer is threatening your spouse with retribution or divorce. No matter how bad an argument is do not bring that word into your discussion or argument.

Nurture emotional trust and be vulnerable. Why hide your feelings? Real intimacy means we render ourselves emotionally exposed and that can be scary however it is important to share those fears or emotions with your spouse. They may not understand at that moment, but it does not mean they will never.

Desire a rich sexual connection. Sex should not just be an obligation. It should be a great pleasure we experience with our spouse. It should not just be limited to the missionary position in the bedroom. God made our marriage a safe place for married couples to discover, experiment, laugh and love through satisfying and even sensational sex. 1 Corinthians 7: 2-5 clearly gives us the instruction. “…each woman should have her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights and likewise the wife to her husband…” Proverbs 5: 15-19 also makes it quite clear. “…and rejoice in the wife of your youth…be intoxicated always in her love.”

Passion should remain in marriage and one could argue that the longer a couple is together the greater the opportunity to express passionate love.

Closeness and communication. Communicate through honest discussion, and desire to connect emotionally and physically. One of the vital non-sexual stimulus in a marriage is the ability to create unrestricted conversation regarding worries or apprehensions. Be rest assured sometimes these issues may be difficult topics for example, in-laws, finance, household tasks and responsibilities. We must know when to let go, take a break and come back perhaps later.

Kiss every night before you go to bed and before you leave in the morning and several times in between as well!

Create a deep sense of intimacy by ensuring when you kiss other parts of your bodies touch. You are not kissing a stranger therefore practice physical reconnect. This creates passion and quite frankly increases physical affection. Hold hands and touching can release oxytocin which causes a soothing sensation. Learn to slow dance to read Song of Solomon it really gives us insight to passion! The best way to keep our marriage fulfilling and passionate is to create acts to enhance our deep love and intimacy as a couple.

Have fun and laughter. Laugh together, you will not regret this. Learn to hang out with your spouse and laugh at jokes. When I have had a bad day I can trust that when I get home there will be laughter to make me forget ‘my bad day’. Our children have taught us how to watch vines on social media. Some of these are funny. Just laugh together.

Create an open-ended dialog regarding apprehensions. Don’t be surprised if some of your discussions are heated – especially around hot-button issues such as money, chores, vacations, in-laws, etc. The key to a successful marriage is knowing when to let scorching issues go and being able to pause when you feel overwhelmed.

Resolve conflicts quickly. Don’t let the sun go down on your wrath. Passion in a marriage also means reconnecting and repairing after conflicts arise. Anger and resentment can destroy our marriage. Therefore, we must always make that difficult decision to always reconnect before going to bed. If you are like me, Linda, when I have carried this to bed I am giving the enemy my heart to sow discord and I begin to stew over things. This is not good and entirely unacceptable to God. Ephesians 4:26-27 clearly tells us, Be angry and do not sin: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil. Learning ways to reconnect after a disagreement will enhance your passion and fortify your marriage.

Be intentional. Marriage is not a time to coast. We must learn to spend time with our spouses in new ways. We call it investing in our relationship. For instance, encourage a common interest because shared experiences improve marriages and deepen friendship, many spouses have regular date night so make the night special, try doing something different, use different mediums to say, “I love you”, go on regular getaways – if efforts are put in a getaway we are bound to find reasonably priced packages in lovely destinations. Get away purely for unhurried time together. After all, after Jesus fed the multitudes he left for the mountain to pray. Prayer means talking to God. Communication, drawing close to God. This is true of our relationship. We need time to get away and communicate, get to know one another, reconnect. An unhurried time together.

In summary, learn how to honour God in your marriage, communicate better, resolve conflict and recommit to your spouse.

A virtuous marriage requires vulnerability to succeed. Responding wholeheartedly to your spouse’s approaches will help you bring out the best in one another.

 

Make a difference 

We are in the midst of a really challenging period in the history of mankind. Questions are constantly being asked about the meaning of life, what the purpose of our existence really is and how we all fit into the bigger picture.

It is clear that the environment we find ourselves in has a huge role to play in our outlook on life. Factors such as age, gender, ethnic origin, geographical location, family structure, wealth & fortune, educational level and social status, will have a massive impact on how an individual sees himself or herself in the spectrum of life.

When you compare the lives of successful people, those who are doing well at blessing others with those who are not you will see a clear pattern emerging.

Abundance versus lack

Bounty versus poverty

Generosity versus stinginess

Outward looking versus inward looking

Optimistic versus pessimistic

Goal oriented versus directionless

It is becoming clearer that if we are going to make an impact we have to have the impact mindset which is programmed for success. We need to take onboard that we have a greater responsibility to set the agenda rather than let us be passive observers or passengers in the world about us.


Impact starts where you are. Faithfulness in little things leads to open doors for bigger things.

Steps to being a person of impact

1. Be determined to be the best you can at the current station you are in. Be dedicated & trustworthy.

2. Learn what is required to move to the next level. Be a learner. Become a high value asset to your organisation.

3. Study the habits of people who are currently higher than you and adopt those that bring about consistent development. Adopt a mentees attitude.

4. Look for opportunities to move ahead with the confidence that you will excel.

5. Never feel that you have learnt enough or risen enough. There are still many mountains to climb & thresholds to cross.

Ike Nnene

www.powerandbeauty.org

New Year 2017. What will help you achieve your goals.

Also called – The 5 Ds of success

As last year was drawing to a close many folk were making promises to themselves and others concerning what they would achieve in the new year. 
The year is well underway , first week already gone and we are quickly discovering that it may seem that the realisation of the goals and aspirations is proving a little more challenging.

It is important not to panic and resist the sinking feeling that is trying to convince you that this year is not going to be any different, but to remain focused on the goals and see yourself walking in the fullness of your destiny for 2017. 

I have put together 5 Ds that will help you achieve your goals this year.

Destination – it is important to be clear to yourself and others what your goal is. Write it down . Have a clear vision of what you want to achieve , where you want to be and in your heart anticipate the sense of fulfilment that will result when you get there. When you know where you are heading then plans have a greater meaning. 

“And the Lord answered me, and said, Write the vision, and make it plain upon tables, that he may run that readeth it.”

‭‭Habakkuk‬ ‭2:2‬ ‭KJV‬‬

Drive – this is what will keep you on the journey towards your destination. It is your motivation – keeping the reason before your eyes. It will allow you to knock back discouragement and any negativity that you encounter in the process. Drive manifests as determination. It tends to be infectious as the people in your life come to the understanding that you will not be dissuaded. You will get to where you are headed.

“And the Lord said, Behold, the people is one, and they have all one language; and this they begin to do: and now nothing will be restrained from them, which they have imagined to do.”

‭‭Genesis‬ ‭11:6‬ ‭KJV‬‬

Discipline – means attending to the things that you need to attend to in order to achieve your goal. The only way you can achieve the goal is acquiring the knowledge and skills needed to get you there and putting to practice what you have to do. Redeeming the time equates to doing what you need to do now and not putting it off. Great time management will put in a position to see your goal realised. Heaping up tonnes of potential without ever launching out or doing anything will keep you at the level of ‘tomorrow’ person.

“Go to the ant, thou sluggard; consider her ways, and be wise: Which having no guide, overseer, or ruler, Provideth her meat in the summer, and gathereth her food in the harvest.”

‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭6:6-8‬ ‭KJV‬‬

Durability – this is the same as staying power, being able to overcome obstacles. If you are about to give up at the first hurdle then it is clear you need to reassess your reason for starting out on the venture. Discouragement may come in a number of ways. If you are not getting any boost from the people in your life it can be extremely off putting and lead to all sorts of questions. You need to develop resilience – the ability to remain single minded , undeterred and committed to the goal.

“Be ye strong therefore, and let not your hands be weak: for your work shall be rewarded.”

‭‭2 Chronicles‬ ‭15:7‬ ‭KJV‬‬

Delight – this implies that you need not only to celebrate the outcome but to relish the process , the steps of the journey , the stages of development that you are going through. Being able to rejoice in every situation will catapult you into greater the realms of possibility. You remain grateful and positive no matter you have to deal with. In the process of handling disappointment you will be learning what works and what does not, how to do things better, more efficiently which ultimately will lead to more success. 

The child of God should practice praise as a lifestyle as this yields abundant dividends.

“Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭37:4‬ ‭KJV‬‬

May your desires be fulfilled in 2017!

Prayer

Prayer is a powerful tool to use daily in your work.

God listens and cares! Jesus taught us to pray that Gods will be done on earth on our lives. God is the God of compassion.
Prayer works best when we let ourselves go and just say ‘Lord I need You!’

The essence of prayer is talking with God & allowing Him to talk back to you via a witness in your spirit.

“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” ‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭5:7‬ ‭NIV‬‬

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” ‭‭Philippians‬ ‭4:6-7‬ ‭NIV‬‬

So we see that one of the outcomes of prayer is peace. When you pray, allow God to grant you His peace. Desire to remain in the place of peace no matter what might be going on.

Wife Tips for Marital Fulfilment

We can all relate to different seasons in our marriages – times when everything is just how we would want it, and other times when it seems as if the world around us including situations and individuals are just ‘not helping’. A good husband should always be able to make things better, not withstanding that he may have been the source of frustration to start with! In difficult times we need to allow God’s grace to have a good work in us.

We are grateful to the Lord for twenty years of married life. Looking back over the period we have lived together we can reflect that certain attitudes and practices help to steer us from difficulty to a place of wellbeing and peace. We have put down twenty positive mindsets, tips which will help wives deal their husband in the best possible way, and handle their emotions better as they seek to make their marital home the best it can be.

1. You chose him therefore respect him not just when he has earned it. Just respect him!

2. Men are not wired like women – we see things differently therefore COMMUNICATE!

3. Sex is good! Keep this lively and passionate.

4. Affirm – something I am still learning. Learn his love language.

5. Speak softly and kindly – Gracious words are sweet to the soul (Prov. 16:24).

6. Take care of yourself – inside and outside. Be clean, modest, orderly, and dutiful – 1 Timothy 2:9. Proverbs 31:13, 15, 27, RSV.* “Be ye clean.” Isaiah 52:11. 1 Corinthians 14:40.

7. Keep your home tidy – this is very close to my heart. Cleanliness is next to Godliness.

8. Do not let the sun go down upon your wrath.

9. He comes before the children – children will leave your home. If you have not cultivated a lasting relationship with your spouse, you will have both empty nests and empty hearts.

10. Forgive

11. The grass is not greener on the other side therefore guard your heart. Be content with the man you have chosen, with the life you both lead. It does get better if you are focussed.

12. Threatening divorce does not help.

13. Choose to love in good and bad times – Above all things. (Col. 3:14)

14. Plan Date nights

15. Always speak positively about your spouse privately and publicly.

16. No third party – keep your intimacies private!

17. Have fun together, share together and pray together – James 5:16 and 1:5. Check out Matthew 26:41

18. Be loyal to him

19. Make friends with people who’ll encourage your marriage.

20. Avoid or stay away from those who are ready to tear you apart.

Our prayer is that husbands and wives will be able to tap into the abundance of grace that God has made available for couples and see their marriages flourish.18393041_l-2

 

 

 

Husband Tips For An Enduring & Blissful Marriage

By the grace of God we mark the twentieth anniversary of our marriage later this month.  The memory of the day we said ‘I do’ on the sunny summer afternoon in North London, UK remains fresh in our minds. We do not take lightly the milestone we have attained considering that the statistics for marriage survival in the UK are not very pretty. According to statistics published in 2012, 42% of marriages in England & Wales end in divorce and 34% of marriages are expected to end in divorce by the 20th wedding anniversary.

Sadly, being in a Christian marriage does not guarantee that ones marriage will stay the course and not end up in divorce. Looking back over the years at our marriage we have been blessed beyond measure in so many areas, but there have also been instances where difficult situations could have gone from bad to worse giving that feeling of despondency which have led many to feel they had no option but to call time on their marriage. We can boldly proclaim that it is the grace of God that has seen us through to this point and we rely on His grace to help us in the days, weeks, months and years ahead.

Of the many lessons we have learnt over the years we believe that unwavering commitment to the union is what will keep you together when you might have several reasons why splitting might seem an attractive option. It is clear that remaining married just to avoid the problems that come with divorce, while a useful leverage point in one’s mind to help maintain your resolve, is not the ultimate goal of your relationship.

Husbands have a pivotal role in keeping their homes intact and happy. While that seems a startlingly obvious truth, that role when neglected can lead to a weakening of the fabric of the relationship, which can frequently result in problems which over time may appear insurmountable.

The truth is that husband and wife work best together to strengthen their marriage and make their home a fortress. There are several factors which can help create a wonderful relationship between husband and wife.

We have used our own experiences to identify 20 tips, one for each year of our marriage 🙂 , which will help husbands to become and remain  effective spouses keen to see their marriages not only survive but thrive.

  1. Love your wife unconditionally.
  2. Always pray for your wife
  3. Be full of praise and adoration for who she is
  4. Always celebrate her achievements and express gratitude for what she does
  5. Make an effort to appreciate her point of view before giving a response on any matter
  6. Be patient in all your dealings with your wife
  7. Strive for peace and the rapid resolution of any conflict. Be quick and earnest in apology
  8. Commit to spending quality time with your wife
  9. Pay attention to the things that affect your wife.
  10. Be open and truthful in all your dealings with your wife
  11. Practice gentleness at all times – being ‘brutally honest’ is not always a sensible approach
  12. It is more important to get in a kind, loving word than the ‘last word’ in any exchange
  13. Do not take to heart anything said by your wife in frustration or in the heat of the moment
  14. Talk your wife in a manner in which she feels respected and not demeaned
  15. Have your wife’s well being at the top of your priority list. Commit continually to meeting her needs
  16. Desire intimacy and do your utmost to create an atmosphere for spiritual and physical closeness
  17. Let your wife know that she is more important than other important things in your life
  18. Do not emphasise or magnify your wife’s shortcomings or any errors but prayerfully commit to being there for her.
  19. Commit daily to being the spiritual head of your home and be an example to your wife in all things – faith, character, speech and attitude
  20. Be available for your wife in all things and be sure to let her see your commitment to her, your children and your home

With this non-exhaustive list of tips part of your code of conduct you will be well on your way to being the husband that your wife needs and desires.

The Spirit of the Lord in the life  of a man will allow every committed husband to become the best companion, partner, lover, friend, confidante, support, helper, breadwinner and all round hero to his wife which will help create marital bliss.

We hope to expand on these attitudes and share additional insights via subsequent posts for the benefit of both husband and wife as we seek to encourage you to have the best marriage possible.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

New Year – New Focus

A new year gives us the opportunity to focus on where we are located our individual life journeys. Where are we coming from ? Where are we going? How does what is happening now in our lives fit into the bigger plan that God might have?

Many of us would have experienced disappointments in the past year, where we had not achieved our desired goals or had to deal with situations which were unpleasant. A frequent source of internal conflict is when we are let down by people who we love, trust and respect

As Christians we are enjoined to be thankful in every situation.

In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you (1 Thessalonians 5:18 )

Even if things have not gone the way would have liked in the past year, it is important to approach each day with an attitude of ‘Its a new year, Praise God I am alive!’

New years resolutions are traditions which are commonly embraced in different cultures and religions as time to commit to doing something or making a positive change in ones behaviour or habits.

The bible provides us with a basis to approach the new challenges from a standpoint of faith.

We should never doubt that it is God’s well for us to do well.

Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth (3 John 2)

Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert (Isaiah 43:19)

Our prosperity is tied to our spiritual well being and that should come first. Can a new thing happen in your life this year?

What should our approach be for doing better this year?

Review your past performance. Reflect on what has worked and what could have been done better.

The bible teaches that ‘the vision’ should be clear and unambiguous (Habakkuk 2:2)
Establish impediments to achieving your goals. Are there skills and training needs?. Have you not spent enough time perfecting your craft. Is there need for a change in attitude?
Seest thou a man diligent in his business? he shall stand before kings; he shall not stand before mean men. Proverbs 22:29

Being teachable. Have the attitude of gaining greater insight and knowledge at every opportunity.

Give instruction to a wise man, and he will be still wiser; teach a righteous man, and he will increase in learning (Proverbs 9:9)

Be willing to acknowledge your past mistakes and take correction
Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates reproof is stupid (Proverbs 12:1)

Ensure we are focusing on the right things. The key question is ‘what is our motivation?’

How far would we like to go with the project ? Why are we pursuing the goal in the first place? Is there benefit for ourselves and for others? Do we want to get the extra income in order to make a specific purchase for our loved ones, buy a new car, take a holiday etc.
Identify reasonable goals – In the world of business management – the model of having SMART objectives (S – Specific, M – Measurable, A – Attainable, R – Relevant , T – Time related), is one that has valuable application in the area of personal development.

Our goals should be specific and time related. This gives us focus. For example, saying: I would like to read three books before the end of the year is more tangible than saying I would like to commit to reading more.
Measurable goals are more likely to be attained than in situations where the goals have no fixed point. It is important to be able to assess for ourselves how much progress we are making.

Having a goal that is attainable is important. The bible makes it clear that faith makes all things possible, but it is necessary to have faith for the task before you, believing that you in the right place, and the right time with the right intent of the heart. In teaching about the cost of discipleship, Jesus emphasised the need for taking stock of what we have before us in helping us move forward. Luke 14:28 – For which of you, intending to build a tower stitch not down first and counteth the cost, whether he has sufficient to finish it.

One of the most powerful principles that Jesus taught was that our motivation should be right. We do well when the basis of our life is charity towards others.

“Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’  For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these thing. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you (Matthew 6:31-33)

We therefore are taught to put the pursuit of kingdom of God above the pursuit of worldly possessions for their own sake. We need to ensure that we have as the basis of our lives the foundation that our lives are meant to be a channel of Gods blessing.

Paul explained the basis of this in his letter to the Romans . In Romans 14: 17-18 we understand that the kingdom of God is Righteousness , and peace and joy in the Holy Ghost, As we seek after peace and the building up of others we are doing the kingdom business and glorifying Him.

This implies that it is at odds with the purposes of the kingdom when we act in a selfish unjust manner seeking to maximise personal gain at the expense of other peoples well being. Galatians 5:21 reminds us that the key to prosperity is remaining in the Spirit which equates to being in step with God.

In 2016, our aim should be one of living a Spirit Led Life .

Galatians 5:16 – 23 But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.

Being a Mum and an Advocate! Purity

We live in an age where many of us are working mothers. Our challenge is to juggle our family responsibilities with our highly demanding jobs at office.

In the UK the Office for National Statistics reveal that over the past 40 years there has been a rise in the percentage of women aged 16 to 64 in employment and a fall in the percentage of men. In April to June 2013 around 67% of women aged 16 to 64 were in work, an increase from 53% in 1971. For men the percentage fell to 76% in 2013 from 92% in 1971. There are, of course, a number of reasons for this shift towards childbearing later in life – the most obvious being economic constraints and the number of women in employment and establishing careers for themselves. The increasing number of women participating in higher education has also been a factor.

I love hosting friends in my home and we do a lot of it. It is amazing after a three course meal or sometimes four we move into discussions about our children and how they are faring. I enjoy these discussions because we find that our sharing of our stress and frustration at not being able to spend enough time with our children is somewhat similar. I also find out that many mothers end up going to bed very late due to the fact that we are trying to juggle so many balls, ensuring none falls. However a very wise man once said to me “sometimes Linda you may have to allow some balls to drop”.

There is an intensification of parenting. So what if there is?! Is this such a bad thing? Perhaps there’s a slightly obsessive dynamic at work that makes mothers, live their life for their child. However sometimes we can be physically at home, but mentally, our minds are miles away, thinking about some problem we are having at the office. Children have an uncanny ability to sense whether we are really paying attention or not.

Both parents have great roles in bringing up their children however being a mother is an amazing gift. The bible is quite clear in Proverbs 6:20. It says, “My son, keep your father’s commandment, and forsake not your mother’s teaching.” In chapter 31 it goes even further and reads, “She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.”

Good mothers are great teachers who are diligent and thorough in their preparation. We must understand the value of teaching standards, values, and doctrine while we have young teenagers or young adults. My focus is the unabridged version of values, moral and ethical standards, and faith.

Perhaps some mothers have been unable to broach some of these topics. I will encourage you to read my column regularly, use it as a point of discussion with your young ones, use it as a teaching tool, allow your child to read it and during those dinners or outings with friends discuss the issue!

Purity. I prefer the term ‘purity’ to abstinence. Using the word purity, sounds like we’re holding onto something rare and wonderful. We need to discuss the Christian perspective on pre-marital sex, and our young adults need to hear it clearly: “Sex before marriage is not OK” And we need to tell them why. It has been stated that scriptures on sexual purity are outdated and archaic. This is not true. Second, having sex is no guarantee that the deep emotional intimacy that everyone longs for will develop.

I am going to ‘preach’ for few seconds so please indulge me. Look at what God says about sexual purity. “You should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honourable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God. . . . For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life” (1 Thessalonians 4:3–5, 7). This passage outlines God’s reasons for calling for sexual purity in the lives of His children.

Purity (Abstinence) is the only 100 percent effective method for avoiding unintended pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections, including HIV. Teens—especially young teens—should be encouraged to delay sexual initiation. We should acknowledge the importance of purity and provide our youth with the knowledge, attitudes, and skills necessary to make it work. However, even youth who pledge to remain abstinent need information about contraception and condoms to help them prevent unintended pregnancy, HIV and other STIs when they do become sexually active.

We cannot hope, fast and pray that this topic never comes up. We must not shut down our children when they come asking. Young adults please ask openly and honestly.

The truth is, when we teach our young adults about sex the way God designed it, the way He outlines it in the Bible, we should them that it is a good, beautiful, pleasurable thing designed by God because of His great love for us. It brings husband and wife closer together and builds trust in the marriage. It is a way to yield unselfishly to each other, to put each other first, and to be refreshed.

Let us open that line of communication and ensure it is relevant to their own world not ours! I am looking forward to my next discussion.

Power & Beauty is the blog of Ike & Linda Nnene.

They are a UK based Christian couple who strongly believe in family and are advocates for marriage as espoused in the Word of God. They believe that with better understanding of how to build your marriage, every couple can have the confidence to enjoy blissful fulfilled relationships.

They are gospel music ministers who understand that having a lifestyle of praise is instrumental to having a life of victory. They bring a wealth of experience from the professions in education (Linda) and medical practice (Ike) and will use this medium to share God’s love with words of wisdom and encouragement.